Crabby Girl...but it's okay

I'm sitting here in my office, oppressed by a feeling of crankiness. I know why I'm cranky, which is kind of a relief -- at least this isn't that especially annoying kind of random crankiness which sometimes afflicts me.

I'm cranky because I made a mistake, and I'm not sure how to fix it, and it needs to be fixed. I was freaking out because there's a time constraint involved, but the deadline was going to be blown even without my mistake, so I've let that go. That eased my mind considerably, since I now don't have to scramble to arrive at a solution.

The other good thing is that I'm not beating myself up about it, and I'm not shoving away my unhappiness at having made the mistake. (Without getting into the details, it's one of those obnoxious mistakes that looks absolutely avoidable in hindsight, to the point you wonder what you were thinking when you made it.) I'm living in the space between those extremes, unhappy and knowing there's going to be difficulty and pain as I (and everyone else affected) lurch toward resolution. But I'm also kind of relieved, because I don't know that I've ever been able to spend time in this emotional space before.

Basically, it sucks, but it'll pass. And that's a good thing to know.

But I'm still a little cranky and annoyed with myself.

Updates, Here and Elsewhere

Yes, I've been neglecting this blog, but I've been blogging on my writing progress here, and I've been blogging about what I'm reading here. I hope you'll go check those two blogs out.

Other than that, I've been struggling with exercise, food intake and frugality. I'm pretty sure I can't focus on making sure I write, work out, eat appropriately and not spend money foolishly all at the same time. Something always flaps loose; lately it's been two things (working out and eating appropriately). All of those things take mental energy and I only have so much to go around. By focusing on writing so intensely, I've drawn energy away from other areas.

I'm six days away from meeting a writing goal that I've been working towards since January 2, and there's a reason I need to hit the goal next Friday. So adjusting my writing focus isn't going to happen for a few days yet. I need to get my eating and my working out under a little more control, so I've decided to let myself out of "can't spend money" mode. This doesn't mean I'll go hog-wild; it just means that I'm going to stop telling myself I can't go shopping. In particular, I need some shoes, so I've decided that I'm going to hunt for them and, when I find them, I'm going to bag them then and there.

(I don't need the shoes the way I need food, water and oxygen; I need them the way you need something that will make your life easier and your feet more comfortable. If I don't find what I'm looking for, I have less attractive or less comfortable alternatives; I'd just rather not use the alternatives if I don't really have to.)

And that's where I am/where I've been.